Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Five Stanzas

One
Ripple in the water
Sunshine on the ground

Two
Flowers in the garden
Needles in the mound

Three
Kittens in the kitchen
Children in the tree

Four
Puddles on the sidewalk
Freckles on my knee

Five
Fingers on my right hand
Stanzas in this poem

All I've Done

Right now
No tunes in my head
No notes rumbling or mumblin’
No words to write down

I can’t think of what to write
I can’t think of what to say
Every day the drowsy fogs
Cloud my head and make it harder
Already so much
So many things I remember
How can I make new without repeating

And yet, here I am
Using words all used before
Just in a new order
Writing about how I can’t
Write and yet look at
All I’ve done

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Unspoken

Little words
Cracking open
Crying out
They can’t be spoken
Little sounds
Frail and weak
Try to break
The endless streak
They crack
They cry
They wail
And weep
They gnash
And growl
They scream
And squeak
Little words
So frail
So small
Crying
Crying
And yet
They
Fall

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Raining Rose Petals

Raining rose petals
softly land on my
fingertips
Tainting my once clean
skin
Pressed against my open
heart
Feeding on my pain
Spreading across the
fear-stricken ground
healing
stealing
Cries for help muffled
by the overbearing rubies
Red rose petals turning
crimson
Liquid crimson across
my open chest
Ripping apart
what little is left
Dissecting the remains
of the corpse you
left behind

My Turn

“Are you ready to order ma’am?”
Startled, she looked up at the waiter. “Um, no. Sorry, I’m expecting someone.” He just nodded, then walked away.
Pathetic.
That’s all she felt: pathetic. Twenty minutes after the time he had said and she was still sitting here, quietly sipping her water. All dressed up in her silky black gown, those new shoes she’d been so excited to wear, and her hair tied up in some do that had taken her at least an hour.
Wasted. And pathetic.
Cry? She was tempted to...Wait? That’s what she’d always done. Leave? Now it was her turn.

Empty Bottle Cap

Sitting on the couch, T.V. on, a small bottle cap between her fingers continuously moving.  She glanced at the clock, then the door. 2AM and he’s still not home.  The flickering lights of commercials played on her face, but she couldn’t watch them. She’d been staring at the T.V. for the past three hours and not seen a single thing that was on. The only thing that was calming her was the little cap she was twirling between her fingers.
A click and a crackling and the door was open. She jumped up, then hesitated. He tumbled through the door, a beer still in his hand.  She slowly approached him.
“Hey, you okay.”
“Why dyou always ask meh that?” He slurred, looking into her eyes. His were empty, as usual.
“Here ya are, lazy watchin’ the tube. Do somethin’ useful fer once.”
“I’m sorry.”

Elmo's Hug

Bang! Bang! Bang! Then Elmo’s song came on again, followed by her little giggles and her feet rhythmically pounding on the back of my chair. I kept my eyes focused on the road, keeping my anger securely in control as Elmo’s singing stopped and she banged him once more on the side of her little chair.  More giggles.  Would it never end? “Hey, honey. Don’t you think Elmo is tired of singing?”
“No. Elmo loves to sing!” She cried, just loud enough to make me cringe. Then she started singing along, not knowing half of the words.
Just a half an hour more. Suddenly, I couldn’t hear Elmo’s singing anymore. I looked back, making sure she was alright. She was just staring at me.
“What’s the matter, honey?” I asked, not ready to more banging and singing.
“Mommy’s sad...” she said quietly.
I didn’t know what to say. Before I could think of something to reassure her, she spoke again.
“Here Mommy, Elmo will give you a hug.” She held her little toy out to me, leaning as far as she could in her little seat.
I looked back and picked him up, little tears forming in my eyes. “Thank you Mollie. Thank you so much.” And I hugged Elmo softly, watching my girl smiling in the rear view mirror.

I Don't Wanna Miss Ya - song

One more call on the phone
He's here again
begging me
He says 'I don't wanna miss ya'
yet he's making it
so hard on me

Yeah, I know I'm the one
who walked through the door
all alone
But I can't be quite sure
when he's calling me
begging me please

Sayin'
Girl I don't wanna miss ya
please come back home
I'm sad and I'm all alone
Please come here, let me kiss ya
we can make up
and then all our love will be healed

Pink Rain

Here I am sitting in class
wondering why all the smears on the glass
are pink

Words all slurring in my head; ignored
tapping pencils on the table and feet
on the floor

Outside, look out there's the pink rain
staining all the sidewalks and painting
all my pain

All of it rushing through the streets and
on the cars, on the people, on my scars
why don't they see
this pink, pink rain?

Order Up

"I want the imperial noodle." Davis said.
"We had that last time, lets get this chicken stuff and some rice." Jackson said.
"You know I can't stand spicy stuff. How about this one." Amy pointed at the menu at one of the few things that didn't have a hot chili pepper next to it.
"That's not even good." Davis complained. "Come on, we all like the noodles."
"But I don't want those again!" Jackson said.
"Are you ready to order?" asked the waitress, quietly standing at the edge of the table with a notepad in her hand.
"Obviously we're not." Jackson said.
"Jackson!" Amy hit his shoulder. "I'm sorry, we'll just be a few more minutes." The waitress sighed, then walked off. "Have some manners would you!"
"She's here to serve us, not the other way around." Jackson said.
"That gives you no reason to be rude to her." Amy said.
"Who cares about the waitress? Could we please just decide what we're eating? I'm starving." Davis complained.
"You know what? I don't care as long as it's not spicy. You two fight it out." Amy said, leaning back in her chair.
So they did, bouncing from one dish to another, constantly being reminded what had a chili pepper next to it. The waitress came again sometime in the middle of their debate. Then again, and they still weren't quite done.
"Excuse me," said the waitress, sounding a bit annoyed, "could you please just order your food. I can't leave until I'm done serving your table and you're taking forever."
"Just get the imperial noodles, please!" Amy said, her hand on her forehead.
"But - " Jackson started.
Amy glared over at him and he shut his mouth.
"Thank you very much. I'll be right out with your food."

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Shake Shake Shake!

Shaking your whole body is actually really nice! I thought it would hurt cause I have shin splints, but I iced my legs :3 That was actually quite relaxing, who would have thought! I did feel like an idiot though. That's okay :D No one saw me!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Song Lyrics

Verse 1: Here I am again, longing for this food I cannot taste, reaching for this drink I cannot waste, waiting for this rain that will never come.
Verse 2: Please come, wash over me and cleanse my want, don't make me cry alone in my hunt, tell me you'll come back this time.
Transition: Please don't use my beating heart in your Feast of Fools, let me share yours too.
Chorus: Here I am dancing alone, quietly waiting for you once more. I will not stop, I will not stutter in my steps. Not till you come, lead me along. Here I am waiting for you.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Problem Solved!

I took another bite of cake and munched it thoughtfully; this was not an easy thing to figure out.
"Well, what if we had Kate come the first half and John come the second half." Someone suggested.
"That won't work. You know Kate will be furious if she found out she had to leave for him."
"Then just don't invite John, he bugs me anyhow! Kate's our closer friend so she should be able to go - no strings attatched."
"Kate is your closer friend, we all love John as well..."
"They just don't go well...together."
I swallowed another bite, jsut listening to the conversation in our little group around our round table. Then I saw her. "Guys! Guys, she's coming!"
Everyone closed their mouths instantly and looked over.
"Hey Kate!" We all said, smiling suspiciously.
She didn't seem to notice, "Hey guys, I just wanted to let you know I can't come to that party you were planning for next Saturday. My mom decided she wants me to help her throw a baby shower for Aunt Jean."
"Oh really, that stinks, I'm sorry." I said
"That's okay, it should still be fun. You guys have a good time, okay?" She waved and walked off.
We all looked at each other for a moment till someone said, "Well, problem solved!"

Ordinary Breakfast

There was a bowl of Reese's Puffs cereal sitting in front of me on the table; my favorite cereal. I stared at the little brown and tan balls of sugar bobbing in my milk then carefully gathered a spoonful of brown ones - there were too many, I had to get rid of them. I sued my spoon to pair each brown one with a tan one. Still too many browns. So, I ate some more. Perfect. I smiled at my little 'couples', dancing around in the milk, none of them lonely. Then I ate them each in their pair and imagined them all begging for me to eat them last.
The last couple was there and it seemed the lady of the group - the tan one - really did not want to be eaten, because she was purposefully avoiding my spoon.
I finally got her! The boy and girl both on my spoon, I shoved them into my mouth along with a little milk and crunched into the last bite of deliciousness.

The Climb

Suddenly, my legs buckled up and I pressed myself against the rock. I swallowed the fear down my throat and yelled, "Joanie, I'm stuck!" All I could do was cling to the little grips I had and pray she could hear me. She didn't answer. "Joanie?!" I yelled a bit louder, my voice riddled with fear.
"What?" Her voice sounded so far away, but it immediately soothed me.
"I'm stuck!" I yelled again.
"Hold on!" She yelled back, and before I knew it she was by my side, "What's the matter?"
"I'm stuck, my legs won't move." I said, now shaking just a bit.
"It's alright, you're just scared. We'll take this one step at a time. Together, okay?"
I nodded.
"Alright now, straighten your legs and there's another hold just over there..."

Friday, March 23, 2012

Coach's Daughter

Another ball caught, then kicked back onto the field; he was good. I looked up at the coach, his brows were furrowed as his eyes followed the ball like a hawk.
"Dad, what's the goalie's name again?"
He didn't answer.
"Dad."
He glanced at me then turned back to the game, "Yeah, honey."
"What's the goalie's name?"
"Davis, best one I've ever had."
"Yeah, I know. You told me. But didn't he get a concussion last year? I didn't think he'd come back."
"Oh yeah, he loves this game. Loves being a goalie. He's a bit timid around those poles now, though. He's still great."
As if to prove my dad's point, Davis dove for another ball, gripping it firmly in his hands and sliding across the grass.
It was the start of the new school year, and the new soccer season. Dad loved his job as coach, and wanted me to be on the team, but after five years of forced torture, he let me quit. Soccer was a good game, but me? I wasn't made for sports. I was more for the academics, thinking things through and working it out with my head, not my feet.
This year, Davis was in one of my school classes. Despite the fact that he'd been on my dad's team for about three years now, I hardly knew him at all. Because of all my AP classes, I was usually doing homework instead of going to games and practices with my dad. Ever since high school started, it's been pretty crazy. But now it was my senior year, I'd taken all the AP classes offered at my school (?), so I was taking it easy. I had nice, simple classes, and some of them were even fun. So, as a result of my not-so-hard classes, I was "able" to go to more games with my Dad.
Not that I minded watching soccer, but I was hoping I might actually have a social life this year. Dad thinks I should hook-up with one of the guys on the team. He's worried since I haven't had a boyfriend all through high school. He's so weird; shouldn't that make him happy?
I sighed and turned back to the game. The score was tied and there was only about 10 minutes left, that's why my dad was so tense.
The other team was coming down the field again with the ball, the guy was seriously sprinting down and slowly pulling ahead of everyone. I was Davis preparing. The guy kicked the ball a bit too far in front of him, so Davis went for it, and just as he had it in his hands, the boy kicked it and it flew the two feet to his face and knocked him to the ground.
The ref blew the whistle, and my dad rushed onto the field. Davis sad up slowly, holding his head, blood was rushing down his face. I followed behind my dad slowly.
"I think my nose is broken." Davis mumbled.
I stayed back, trying to watch my dad instead of the blood still running down Davis' face.
"Alright," My dad said, "Come on, I'm going to take you to the hospital."
"What about the game?" Davis asked
"I'll put McCormick in, it'll be okay."
"Dad." I piped up.
"They'll be okay for ten minutes..."
"Dad!" He looked over at me. "You stay here for the game, I can take him."
He blinked, "Oh, yes. You do that." He turned back to Davis who was staring at me. "Davis, go with Amy. Amy, grab one of those towels from the back for him, please." He helped him up then Davis followed me down the hill to the parking lot. I rummaged through the trunk, skipping over my favorite towel, then brought an old one to him that he promptly wiped his face with, then held to his nose.
I climbed into the drivers seat and glanced at him. Despite the blood smeared on his face and the sweat still on his forehead, I could tell he was handsome. Our drive to the hospital was quiet. I stayed in the waiting room when the nurse took him in. I'm sure he wouldn't want me there, and personally I didn't like the thought of seeing all that dried blood or his broken nose.
My dad showed up a few minutes later. "Hey, how's he doing?"
"I don't know. Where's the team?" I asked.
"It's not that serious, they didn't want to embarrass him. What do you mean you don't know?"
"I haven't been in there."
"Well, come on."
I talked to the lady at the desk and she let us in. When we walked into the room, he was laying down on the bed. His face was all cleaned up now, but his nose was a bit swollen.
"Please let him rest."
I jumped a little and turned to see a nurse in the doorway.
"He has a minor concussion and needs some sleep."
"Is his nose broken?" My dad asked.
"Yes, but it's only a fracture. He shouldn't need surgery. I've got the x-rays right here."
Dad went over to see them, so I went down and sat by the bed. I looked over his still figure, peacefully sleeping. Or so I thought.
"Could you call my parents."
I sat up, his eyes were still closed. I stared at him for a moment, he peeked at me, "Please."
"Uh, sure." I took out my cell phone, then waited for him to tell me their number. "Um...Davis?"
He didn't move.
"Davis?"
Still nothing. I couldn't figure out if he really fell asleep or if he was just ignoring me. I stared at him for a moment longer then turned to my dad. "Hey Dad, what's Davis' parent's number?" I asked.
"Hm?" He looked at me, "Oh!" he quickly rummaged through his pockets and brought out a crumpled piece of paper, "Here hun, it's the home number."
I stood up and took the paper, then searched down the list, obviously typed by my dad, till I found Davis. There were two numbers, I found the home one, like he said, and dialed it. It rang, and rang, and rang. No one answered.
"You've reached the Davis residence, leave a message at the tone." A man said, he sounded like he could be the machine recording.
It beeped. "Hello, this is Amy Evans, the daughter of Coach Evans. I just wanted to let you know your son, Davis, is in the hospital . It's nothing serious, he has a fracture in his nose and a minor concussion, but he's fine. He told me to call you, he's down at _______ hospital. We'll be driving him home. Thanks. Bye."
I handed the list back to my dad, he was still talking to the nurse. She wanted him to wait till Davis woke up to take him home. Dad was trying to debate with her, but I knew it was only 'cause there was a game on tonight that he wanted to see.
I let them argue it out, then looked at Davis again, pretty sure he was asleep this time. He was still in half of his uniform, you could see his cleats sticking out of the bottom of the blanket. The blanket that was probably only there because his blood shirt was hung over the chair next to him instead of on his body.
I was interrupted in my observing again, but it turns out I would have plenty more time later. My dad decided that I should stay behind to take Davis home, since we had two cars and all, and he would go home and make dinner. Or so that's what he told the nurse. Only I knew that my dad was irresponsible in everything but his job. And only I knew that my dad hadn't cooked dinner since my mom left back when I was five.
So, I was left alone with sleeping Davis. My only entertainment being the room around me and the 'snake' game on my phone.
After I died again on my game, I peeked at Davis. Man, this guy can sleep. I sighed and went back to my playing.
That got boring fast, so I put my phone away and looked around. The room was getting darker as the sun lowered into the clouds lining the horizon. I was really tempted to just poke him or something so he would wake up. He could sleep at home for goodness sake, I'm hungry! And a warm dinner won't be waiting for me at home, I pouted, I have to make it first. Ugh, and I never got any homework done!
"Who are you?"
My eyes popped open and I looked around for a nurse, but found only Davis sitting there with his eyes open.
"Oh, um. You don't remember me? I'm Amy Evans, Coach Evans daughter."
His face hardened, "What are you doing here?"
I looked at him, surprised and a bit confused, "M-my dad told me to take you home when you woke up."
He sighed and sat up, only then did I realize how muscular he was. Out on the feild, and in the corner of the classroom, he could look almost gangly because he was so thin. But up close I could see the definition in each of his muscles, the way they stretched and flexed across his back as he stood up.
He looked back at me, "Lets go." I blushed a little, realizing I was gawking, then followed him out the door.
The car ride was tense, he had been so cold to me in the hospital I wasn't sure what was wrong. I assumed he was just grumpy, I'm sure his nose hurt, and probably his head too.
"My dad really likes you on the team." I said, trying to break the silence.
"Turn left here." He said stiffly.
"He says you're the best goalie he's ever had."
"Right there." He pointed at a house.
"Are you going to play next year?" I asked as one last attempt to get a kind response from him.
He looked me square in the eye, "I don't care about your father or his stupid team. So, quit trying to be all friendly with me and just bug off." He climbed out and slammed the door, leaving me speachless.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Holding On

He was funny, smart, and wonderful. Always kind and gentleman-like. Why was I thinking these things as I was going to break up with him? I know he's waiting just down that hall, I can't chicken out now. But I know I'll miss the good-morning texts he sends me, he's never missed a single day. And the muffins he sometimes brings over on Sunday mornings. I caught a smile on my face that I quickly lost. No, it's been too long, I've gotten too involved with him. I've never let someone in so much, he's got too big of a hold on me.
There he was. Standing by the wall, as usual, staring off into space. He looked around, caught my eye, and smiled that beautiful, familiar smile. He walked over, his blue eyes sparkling, "Good morning." He said, then paused, his smile fading a bit and his brows furrowing, "Is something wrong?"
I looked up at him, genuine concern on his face. "No, nothing's wrong." I guess I could live like this a bit longer. I smiled and gently took his hand.

Peace and Quiet?

Not a single Happy Birthday! Not one.  She trudged up to her apartment, homework in hand. And I thought I'd made some friends. I didn't want a replay of last year, when I'd only gotten on 'Happy Birthday'. Congratulations, it's a new record. She rolled her eyes and walked up the hard steps, the clicking of her shoes echoing throughout the empty stairwell. Well, guess it's going to be another lonely night. I think I've got some ice cream left in the freezer still. Her keys jingled as she unlocked her door. Peace and quiet is nice, right? She thought, just as she was blasted with light and multiple screams of "Surprise!!"

Inevitable, historical relationship: Escape

This place is such a mad world. A world where someone can seem so right, but be so wrong. Where everything could work out, except for all those little things working against you, slowly building up, making a wall just beneath you, making you choose one thing or another. Once you choose a side, the wall will finish and that thing on the other side will forever be gone. And you will never know whether it stayed there, hoping the wall would go away, praying that you were still there as well. Or, is it left, leaving you with another decision: To hang onto something that is forever gone, or to let go. But, for now, you are stuck in the middle, both sides enticing, but only one right choice. The wall is slowly building up beneath you and if you don't choose soon it will pluck you off your feet and turn your world upside down. And instead of gracefully stepping to one side or the other, you will fall. The longer you wait, the farther you will fall. The more it will hurt. And the bigger the scars will be that are left.

Element-Water

I have always loved the water, whether the ocean, a lake, or a pool. I especially love when the water is all calm and it's the perfect temperature and it feels like silk on your skin. Water is so wonderful, and yet, I've always been afraid of it deep down.
Water, you can drown in it. Big waves can tangle you up and currents can drag you out to sea. Even just swimming too deep in a pool and feeling like you won't have enough air to come back up is scary. But, my worst fear is to crash a car in the water. Having it fill up and not being able to open the doors because of the pressure.
Water is something so powerful and essential to our existence. It is so peaceful and beautiful and fun, yet so deadly.